OH, THOSE WONDERFUL AND SENSATIONAL FEELINGS OF BEING SECRETLY ADMIRED!

1961: Co-curricular Activity, involving AAB (2nd from right back row). His secret admirer remains a mystery to this day!

Little that  I thought  that at 69, the circular and reversible age I would be given a thunderous shake up that I had  a silent admirer during my formative years of being a man! Oh Allah, You are the greatest, the most merciful, the most benevolent, the most gracious and the most lovable, that you gave me such a gift at my old age, a gift of knowing that I had a silent admirer in the form  of a beautiful charming and lovely lady, may Allah always bless her and family. Masya Allah, Allah Hu Akbar. Nothing is impossible for Him!!!

I thank Thee Allah for keeping this wonderful tidings and keeping it a secret for me until my old age. If only you revealed it to me then I would have imagined that my life would definitely be different from those that I had gone through those developing  years of my life until my present day situation. I would have imagined that I would have a wonderful and blissful married  life with my silent admirer. I would have lots of children, sons and daughters-in-law, and numerous grand children to carry on the AAB tradition. Oh! Such a wishful thinking!!! My house would be ever so lively with my children and In laws as well as my many beautiful and lovable grand children whenever we have a family gathering. There would be endless laughter and cries, as well as squabbles and disappointments as there would be quarrels and misunderstandings amongst the grand children. Oh, what a beautiful imagined life would it be.

Or would it be just the other way around. Would there be such a blessed life. Or would there be a life of hell on earth. For why not. Life would not be just a bed of sweet roses minus the thorns. Life could be as nasty as nasty could be. There would be a life of endless fears and expectations from both sides of the couple. Would the male be loving enough as to shower the partner with kisses and loving praises. Or would there be a torturous incidents every now and then that the partner would be sorry for first setting an eye on the face of the person she secretly admired. The answer is, your answer will be as good as mine. Who can tell, but Allah.

Form 2 1959 TBS: Pretty ladies in the front row: Could anyone of these ladies be AAB's mysterious secret admirers!

On the other hand, life would be totally different from that imagined above. Life would be very miserable. AAB would not be able to live up to his silent admirer's whims and fancies. Neither would AAB be able to fulfil his task as a good partner responsible and capable enough to perform his duties well. Would it be that AAB's silent admirer would demand too much and beyond his capabilities, that he was just  a man of no stature as portrayed in his school celebrity picture that he craftily painted, that captured the imagination of certain ladies. Anything could be the outcome. Anything at all.

Or for that matter it would be just as the secret admirer wanted her life to be when betrothed to AAB. Well if that was the case that would be, secret admirer would definitely have Allah to thank for, for giving her such a life that she had been dreaming of. She would be really made the Queen of his castle. She would be always put on a high pedestal, that AAB would be forever adoring her and forever more be thankful to Allah for giving him such majesty of a queen. A queen of his dreams. She would all the time respect him as a spouse, a partner, a companion, a lover, a comforter, a councillor, a jester, a protector, and last but not least a father, and a responsible one too,to her his  children. Would there be such a thing. Well definitely, there would, for nothing is impossible with Allah's guidance and help.

Either would it be just a plain and ordinary life. A life smooth sailing with minor or semi big waves, mild and sometimes strong winds not tantamount to a storm. If that was the case it was very good for the secret admirer and for the admired. Good for them.

What if there was a turbulent one. Every day secret admirer will be tortured physically and mentally. Physically, she would be ignored, abandoned, left alone without any communications  be it verbally or body languages or understood signs and symbolisation which are so common among married and loving partners. Or mentally, she would be disgraced, humiliated, jested, scolded, frowned upon, undermined, ignored and ridiculed and left to sleep alone at night. With no one to bolster. No one to kiss. No shoulder to put her head on and to whisper the divine phrase, i love you darling! Softly, ever so softly, and receiving an acknowledgement with a soft nod and soft I love you too sweetheart wringing in the cool night air of their bedroom. And the secret admirer would whisper please forgive all my sins darling. Likewise the admired too would ask for forgiveness before they fell into a very satisfied and sound sleep for the beautiful night.

Or would the secret admirer be able to accept  his many weakness which to name a few are his swell headedness, his temperaments, his stubbornness. His main weakness is small things affect him enormously. He is very sensitive to trivial things and comments. Such as, he was so elated during his wonderful school and teaching carrier, when he received an appreciation from one of his former pupils, may be the one and only that he received during his entire carrier, that he cherished it to this very moment. It was just a word of thanks from a student who had succeeded in life, whom he thought while the student was in form three. Such was a minute incident that he encountered almost fifty years ago. Was not that great.

What is the worst scenario that would be if his burst of temper and anger, that sparked out of a very negligible comment by the secret admirer, were to take place. Would she be able to take it. Once in a while one would be able to stomach it. What if it recurs incessantly and out of no reasonable cause at all. Would not  secret admirer be sorry and cursed the day she set an eye on this so termed school celebrity which was so aloof and self centred and snobbish too. Would she be sorry! Or would she endure all his shortcomings  and accepted them as part of Allah's takdir on her!? And she kept on her divine prayers to Allah to grant her a blessed and blissful life at the end of the dark, gloomy, soggy, and narrow tunnel!  For she believed that every cloud has its silver lining.

Oh secret admirer if you chose the latter,you are nothing but a heavenly angel of a woman. And without an iota of a wicked doubt you will be placed in Allah's heavens. And you will live there eternally happily ever after. You would be very lucky, secret admirer.  If you chose the former. i would not dare to imagine what sort of life you might undergo.

Was I lucky to be revealed with a secret admirer at old age or was I unlucky that I was not informed of this secret admirer while I was  at my tender age. The answer I think is  it is both lucky and unlucky.

Lucky because I could compose the above discourse. If I knew it then the above imagination would not have been composed. The post might be a  recollection and flashback of what had happened. It would be a mere replay of things past. It would be a true story of what had taken place in the lives of the secret admirer and the admired. It would possibly be more interesting, or it would be as boring as the sound of the unfortunate owl hooting through out the night. The incidents would surely be different from those portrayed above.

Unlucky because, I would not be able to compose the incidents that I composed above. Reason being I did not achieve the present life that I am living now. I would not have been a teacher as i flung my form five examinations. The SC and the FMC results, or either, were the trump cards for  a decent employment, those days. A person without an SC or an FMC qualification could never be a clerk or a teacher in those days. A person with only an LCE, would only be employed as an office boy, or an ordinary nurse at a hospital. Such was the importance of a sound education then.

I said I would not attain the present level of life because, I failed my form five examinations. I forgo my education, as I was deeply involved in busying myself with my secret admirer day and night spending and wasting every moment of my precious time together with her. Those were  the sweetest  moments of our lives together.

Instead of busying myself with revising my lessons, my time was spent with my secret admirer. As such when the form five examinations started, my mind was filled with sweet moments of love with secret admirer. When the form five results were announced, my result was full of nines. This possibility was not far fetched. This possibility could very  well happen to me. For I had the Form Two experience, when I did badly in my exams, just because I was day dreaming of a very cute and charming girl that captivated my imagination that I abandoned my studies. I was not focused.

That was self gratification. Imagine if there was secret admirer to play with and to talk sweetly to as if in real life. Concentration on my studies would surely be zero. And that would be the very end of my education and for that matter my life too.

One may argue that, you can pick up later in you studies. The were many who had done so. That might be true. Nevertheless damage had been done. And one episode of bleakness had adorn your otherwise beautiful life. Your second attempt would surely be very precarious.

Such were the dilemmas that I had to face both for knowing early that I had a secret admirer, and for knowing late of my secret admirer, at old age. Nevertheless, either has its pros and cons.  Well secret admirer such is life, and it must go on whether for the better or for the worse. You are the player and it depends how you play it.       ........    aab, 094030012013 almosttheendof1stmo.