THE PLEASURE, TORTURE, TORMENT AND ANXIETY OF BEING A SECRET ADMIRER

 Oh Allah the Almighty, You are the greatest, You are the most merciful,the most kind, and the most benevolent. Thank you Allah for allowing me to breath Your air, to sip Your water and to munch Your food thus far, from birth , seventy years ago, right up to this very day, without fail and without any fee that You  claim. Oh Allah how ever could I thank you more!!!?

The three strongmen of Alumni TBSST from left: AAB, ZA and GY at Potluck gathering in Kubu Gajah, Sg. Buloh, 3 Feb 2012.AAB discussing his secret admirer with the President? GY unattentive?

 Now I am blessed with yet another of your loving kindness. I am being blessed with a pleasure, torture, torment, bewilderment,  frustrations and anxiety of being an admirer in silence of a super beautiful young lass who lived just across the road in front of my teratak, in the kampung of Air Mawang, where I lived my young school age years. All these feelings were mingled together, like the ingredients  of a sumptuous  meal in the unchang of Tengku Sang Nila Utama in P. Ramlee's film Musang Berjanggut. Oh Allah you are the Greatest. You are the most kind!

 Now let me sort out the content of the jumbled  ingredients in the unchang one by one. I enjoyed the pleasure of being the secret admirer because, in the first place, it was such a pleasure of watching and admiring the superb beauty of this neighbour of mine,who lived in a mansion across the road. Her hair, her nose, her cheeks, her smile, her soft spoken words were a treasure and a beauty for my eyes to devour and feast on, every time she came to my cottage, for my ears to melodiously hear the soft spoken words ringing in the breeze. Oh it was such a heavenly feeling and pleasure to be presented with such a situation right in front of your eyes, and your eyes alone, in real life. But alas the torment and  agony was, she was untouchable, she was inaccessible and she was not easily to be fondled with.   

P. Ramlee's Musang Berjanggut Ads.

 She was a gem. She could only be feasted on with the eyes but nothing more, she was so majestic that it was impossible for AAB to do anything else. Although his desire to be more close to her to have a body  contact of some kind, was burning and flaming and teasing it was impossible for him to do so. She was too good and pure for all that. Thus AAB had only to erase totally his burning desire. He had his religious belief  to uphold, more than just that short lived pleasure and satisfaction that he would derive from such a religiously disgraceful gesture and unbecoming act. Luckily AAB was brought up with such  pure religious values embedded in him. Otherwise anything foolish, silly and uncalled for acts would rule the day. And AAB's reputation and respectable meagre and peasant upbringing would be washed down the drain.

 Words and sentences like: "Anak orang kere tak soda diri. Anak orang kere apo yang boleh diharapkan. Anak orang kere mano tahu adat. Anak orang murahan  dan picisan mano tahu nilai diri dan kehormatan orang. Taraf eh pomintak  sodokah yo! Or anything else would do minus the good ones.

 This was possible because his dreamt queen too did not provoke his sensuality. Sure

 enough she was herself the angelic type, the cool and preserved species. She was not unlike certain girls, less gravy more spoon, to literally quote the classic Malay saying.

 Beyond all else, what could AAB do? He could only build his wonderful and rainbow castle only in the air. Alas AAB, can only imagine how beautiful, enjoyable, and wonderful life could be spent together eternally with his dreamt queen. Oh Allah how blissful would it be. For why not.she is a queen in a class of her own. She was not the untouchable type though. She was way very classy compared to AAB. She would be a landed lass. Because her father was very diligent, hard working, the property accumulating type, his philosophy was one acre of land  acquired,  for every working year spent. He was wonderful and awesome was he not?

 I imagined how beautiful would it be if AAB was the choice of this gracious lady. He would certainly put her on a high alter and love her ever so dearly. Managed her many properties and enjoyed every minute of married life together. He would blessed her with many children, three boys and  three girls at least. They would then bring up the children together, educate them both with worldly knowledge more so with spiritual and after life education too. Oh those dreams could they be achieved? But of course they could if only the dreams of possessing this beauty became a reality. For she was so lovable, kind and very unassuming character.

 What if this dream be reversed AAB. What is your plan B. Well  I would be a useless nincompoop of a husband. I would be a parasite. I would be a leech and suck out all her blood. I would destroy this beautiful, lovable, a pleasure to behold, and treasure of a queen's life to a total nought. I would confiscate all her properties, and would really make her regret the day she recognised the sun and moon. Why would i do that for. Well that was only my wicked  uncalled for thinking. I would not be so wicked, for that was why I was in no position to possess her. Neither too, Allah would pair AAB with his dream girl. Allah knows the best for AAB in the form of his present darling of a wife.

 Well let me sort out the other ingredients. Why did torture and torment came to be items of the ingredients in the unchang. Well did you not think that it was a terrible torture of waiting for the lovely and adorable lass to come to the cottage where I lived . Of course in those  days there were no sms, there were no device which you could send your message intention with. All you could do was use bottles to signal. That would be ridiculous. Everyone  in the vicinity would be alarmed and would turn their attention on you. That  would be the end of AAB secrets. They would  allege  that  AAB was trying to mengurat somebody's daughter, that would be a suicide man. That would be the end of the secret missions and the secret  undertakings. AAB would never be trusted again, ever. And was it not tormenting enough for the cat to be baited with a juicy smoked  chunk of fish hung quite high for it to reach if it jumps? That was just  the situation  when AAB had the charming lady at his cottage visiting  him for consultation on her school lessons.

 Was AAB not in a dilemma in such a situation. To reveal or not to reveal, that was the one billion ringgit question. If AAB revealed his feelings toward her, would it be well received, small palm will be replaced with winnowing bamboo nyiru?  What if the feelings fell on deaf ears. Would you imagine how thick would AAB's face be of humiliation!? But the chances were not. Still one  never knew, and AAB did not dare to venture into such a situation. He was too cautious. He was a chicken alright. Did you not think that such a situation was tormenting enough!

 As for whether or not to continue to be a timid hen or to be as a boastful and robust as a cock would be was a  very bewildering option to consider. It was a very  perplexed situation. To openly declare or just to keep it within oneself. There was not an inkling iota of sign that this beautiful lady is expecting anything from AAB. Whether it be gestures or signs, or signals or certain mannerisms of such a would be relationships of our situation. There was nothing, nothing at all that would start of the ball rolling. Was it not bewildering  enough.

 Oh you langut AAB. How could you expect a young lass to give the first gesture or mannerism in such a case. Only unpolished and uncouth ladies would do such a thing. Oh yes how silly I was to wait for such a cue from an angel such as the lady I admired. Serve you bloody right AAB.

 Likewise AAB was full of anxiety, through out the tribulation period. He was expecting through out the trying time that his secretly  admired lady would somehow accidentally made a blunder or made a sweeping general comment that would give away her feelings towards AAB. Nevertheless, alas, there was no such thing. For that matter AAB why did you not leave a tiny message in her text book that would let the  beautiful black cat out of the bag. Why oh why did I not think of doing such a thing then. Why did this wonderful idea only pop up now, seventy years afterwards? Thus AAB you missed the possibility of possessing such jack pot of a lovely and gracious lady. Such was your unfortunate luck AAB.

 Or better still why did you not be daring, bold, and gentleman enough to reveal you feelings towards her, while you were in Brinsford Lodge. That would be an ideal time then. Well, AAB at that time, the fault with you was you were too absorbed with nursing you broken heart. After being dejected and abandoned by your ex classmate sweet heart. Such was the misfortune and the unprofitable plight that befell AAB during his very tender years of life. Your chase was not fruitful, whilst your clutch was only emptiness. Well AAB, such was the Devine trial that Allah had in store for you then. AAB, thank Allah you must, for the golden jade cum diamond as well as  the south sea pearl of a lady that He replaced you with. Hold dearly to her and love her very very tenderly, she who has borne you with five great children  and  who have given you nine beautiful and  loveable grandchildren to fully cuddle with. Oh Allah, look at how benevolent and kind You are!!   

Nevertheless, Oh Allah, the regret still lingered, "why oh why did this lady that had stolen my heart, not scribble some sign that she liked me, when she was replying my letters for my dear late mother when I was in college in England???????? Why oh whhhhhhhy???"

 aab, the eve of jackpot day at bambooriver. 222302022013 in putra heights.